Skipper's Replacement
by 18wanda
Summary: When Skipper temporarily leaves the base, it is up to Kowalski, Rico, and Private to fight for the position of leader. Review!
1. Chapter 1: Three Confused Penguins

Skipper's Replacement

Chapter 1: Three Confused Penguins

Skipper has packed the last of his things in a greatly oversized suitcase, filling it to the brim so that it had difficulty closing. It was full of the latest and most deadly military equipment in the base for enemies could be lurking in the very shadows of the Bahamas. _You can't be too safe on vacation_, Skipper thought as he dragged it off his bunk and it fell to the ground with a clatter, waking up Kowalski.

Kowalski rubbed the last of the sleep from his eyes and blinked sleepily. "Your flight leaves at precisely 2.4 hours. You are up three hours early."

Skipper struggled with the suitcase full of explosives while Kowalski watches him suffer as if still in dreamland. "It will take awhile to get to the airport, and a stealthy rondevu is called for before duty. I mean vacation. It is best to set out before dawn."

Vacation. This was pretty unfamiliar to Skipper, but he wasn't going to just let the tickets to the Bahama Island get-away go to waste. He found them in the waste receptical, and had to use them before the limited offer expired in a few weeks. He would have to take some time away from the base, which maybe wasn't a bad thing as he always thought.

At the sound of Skipper heaving his luggage, Rico and Private jolt up from sleep. They instantly leap out of bed and stand in a perfect military-fashion line.

"I have everything packed and I secured the base already. Mission accomplished. Hmm...I almost forgot something. Before I leave, I must appoint a temporary captain while I'm gone. Duty could call you in at any moment and I am entrusting one of you with this responsibility," Skipper said.

The penguins gasped with shock. One of _them _as leader. It sounded so wrong! Skipper not being leader was like Kowalski without a notebook, and that was just plain unusual.

"But, Skipper. We couldn't possibly-"

"Negative, Private. Sure you can," Skipper interrupted and turned to the three penguins waiting. "Now the one I choose has my greatest trust to hold down the fort while I enjoy a luxury vacation. I declare that the new leader will be..."

The three stare at each other, wondering which one of them could possibly be chosen any second, hearts pounding with excitement.

BEEP! BEEP!

The beeping is coming from inside the suitcase and Skipper rushes out the door, tripping on the mountain of suitcase on the way out. "No time. I only have three and a half hours to get to the airport. Work it out amonst yourselves. I have to catch my flight." And with that he left, leaving Kowalski, Rico, and Private in the silent room, never to know who Skipper was about to give the position of leader to.

"Now what?" Private asked.

Rico shrugged and both of them turned to Kowalski for answers.

"Perhaps we should elect a leader between us. That is what Skipper said," Kowalski reasoned out, which was indeed a sensible plan.

"Sounds sensible. But the problem is who wants to vollunteer for such a position?" Private wondered. It is no doubt a new experience for all of us. I...was...wondering...maybe I could."

"Scientifically speaking, smarts make one capable for the leader in battle," Kowalski insisted.

Rico nodded excitedly, no doubt suggesting a silent vollunteer.

The three penguins are momentarily confused and look at each other with disbelief.

"Okay, if we all vollunteer for the job then it makes sense to pick the one that is most qualified for the job. The absolute best, right?" Kowalski reasoned out. "So, which one of us is the best for the job? That is who it should be. The answer should be obvious."

The three of them nod with agreement that neither of them felt.

"And we know who that is, correct?"

They all nodded again and all of them minus Rico who just murmured something undestinguishable answered, "Me."

"Wait a minute. It sounds like we all want to be leader," Private said. "How does that work? I guess we could all be leaders?"

Kowalski gave Private a stare like he was looking down on a clueless infant with no brains in its head. "That is the most ridiculous idea I have ever heard in my lifetime, Private. We can't all be leader. It just can't work. I have already calculated that suggestion and it just doesn't compute." He looked at the spot where Skipper left and cluelessly shook his head. "Who would Skipper have chosen? Actually, I have a philosophy. Right when Skipper said that the new leader will be __________, I heard a tiny K sound before the beeping interrupted him. There is no doubt Skipper was about to say Kowalski. After all, I don't blame him for choosing me. I have been here the longest."

"Skipper said no such thing," Private objected, outraged. "If anything he made a P sound. You are making up lies."

Rico started growling at them, arguing with both of their improvised philosophies.

"Nope. It is decided. I am the new leader. Problem solved." Kowalski is about to walk over to Skipper's office when Rico and Private leap on top of him and they all tumble to the ground, strangling and knocking each other about until Private backed out of the tussle and pulled Kowalski and Rico apart, shoving them to opposite walls. Kowalski just stood there with wide eyes like he couldn't believe he resulted to physical violence while Private still held a growling Rico in a firm grip.

Kowalski sighed. "Look at us. We are turning into power-hungry monsters. This is no way to resolve conflict."

Rico stopped struggling and whined miserably.

"Right. There has to be another way to do this. I have an idea. We will just have to see who is best for the job. The problem is that we all think we are best for the job. We should have a competition, and whoever wins gets to be leader until Skipper returns from the Bahamas," Private suggested helpfully.

No one could argue with that. As much as they resigned Private coming up with a good idea, they had to agree that it was a flawless suggestion.

"That could work," Kowalski said. "But what would it be." After a moment of thought he suggested, "How about a race?"

"All right. We will see who wins and whoever does becomes captain," Private confirmed excitedly, already having plans for his victory along with the others.

"Yes, bring it on."


	2. Chapter 2: Bring On the Race!

Skipper's Replacement

Chapter 2: Bring it on!

"So how long should this race be?" Private asked as the three penguins stood on their iceblock oevrlooking the zoo.

Kowalski looked around and thought about the perimeter measurements and the average speed a penguin could run along with the measurement of exactly 400 yards to place the finish line. "I have a theory. I think it would be best to have the race start in Marlene's habitat and go through the zooveneir shop and end back here at the base. Do you agree?"

Private and Rico nod enthusiastically.

Marlene is taking a morning swim, enjoying the sunshine when she noticed three shadows blocking her light. She wipes the water out of her eyes and leaps back with surprise. "What are you doing here? And where is Skipper?"

"Evacuate," Rico coughed, which sounded more like puking than any word in the English language. Marlene stared back, confused.

"Skipper is on a paid vacation at the Bahamas so it is just us," Kowalski explained, impatiently shifting his weight from side to side. The more they wasted time talking to Marlene the less time he had as leader of the team.

"We are having a race to decide which one of us deserves to take his place until he gets back," Private added. "You are free to watch me win. We all know I am most fit."

"You?" Kowalski shouted, outraged. "You are as round as a bowling ball."

"Well, you are only fit to scribble on your notebook," he shot back.

Rico coughed up a crowbar and was about to do something unspeakable when Marlene stepped between them. "Okay, a lot of tension is building up. You had better start the race before you kill ach other, huh? Please do. You are blocking my light," she insisted.

They all line up on the rock to start the race, each trying to scoot the slightest millimeter ahead of each other for a slight head start. Marlene rolled her eyes "All right. Ready..."

"Hey! No pushing!" Private said.

"I'm not pushing! You are the one that keeps trying to sneak ahead. Stay on the rock like the rest of us," Kowalski retorted, his voice rising with anger.

Marlene couldn't believe this. "Set..."

The penguins quickly shut up and tense their muscles, prepared to spring off the rock and into the pond, aligning themselves equally on the edge of the rock.

"Go!"

Almost instantly Rico plays dirty and shoves Kowalski to the side, creating the domino effect and both Kowalski and Private tumbled off the rock into the pool. Rico dived in the water and makes a swim for it.

_Oh no. Rico is getting away!_ Kowalski makes a swim for it, in hot pursuit, leaving Private in the dust. Being the thinnest he overtook Rico near the end of the pool and leaped on top of him, and the two tried to push each other down in the water, but neither of them succeeding.

"See you two at the finish line!"

They looked up with horror and see that Private has already managed to get his fat little body out of the pool and is making a run for the zooveneir shop! They charged after.

"Hurry. Think, man. Comence Operation Catch Private! Rico, we have to put our differences aside. If we don't then Private will take victory," Kowalski said hurriedly and attempted to scribble down a plan.

Rico smacked the notebook out of Kowalski's flippers and coughed up jet-powered roller skates. The penguins jetted off toward the zooveneir shop at super speed, a speed Kowalski didn't even have time to calculate. They flew right past Private who was still making a waddle for it withno Rico to cough up super skates.

Private was horrified. He was sure that they had no chance of catching up and there they were, making a race for the zooveneir shop at super speed. _Think! Think_! Private quickly scanned his surroundings and then found the perfect solution to his problems. A peanut! It was perfect!

_What a sucker! _Kowalski thought triumphantly. _Rico was actually stupid enough to take me along! _He expertly karate-chopped Rico off the roller skates, leaving Rico behind. "Sorry! Better luck next time!"

That is when a peanut is launched right infront of the roller skates, and before he could avoid it he was spinning out of control, around and around off track. Kowalski thudded into a lightpole and layed there dazed, not quite sure what happened. _What happened? _Through half-closed eyes he saw two black and white blurs running for the zooveneir shop. Oh no! Rico and Private took the lead! He leaped to his feet and made a run for it to catch up to them.

"Look, Rico! I see confetti!" Private lied.

"Nuh uh," Rico argued and shoved Private against the brick wall.

"Over there. A six-pack dynamite explosive package with maximum explodability!"

This time Rico whirled around, tongue hanging out excitedly. Then did he come face to face with Kowalski who crashed into him like a truck. Outmatched by the force of the attack, Rico tumbled into a trashcan. Kowalski got up and ran into the zooveneir shop. What was odd was that there was no Private in here. It was completely abandoned. Private couldn't have made it that fast, could he?

Kowalski circled around with confusion before running on toward the exit. Private must have feel back already.

Private watched Kowalski come closer and closer and he held onto the rope tighter in his flipper, waiting for exactly the right moment to strike. He was no Kowalski whe it came to strategy but he had a flawless plan that even Kowalski would agree with, if he wasn't the one being sabataged of course.

"Say hello to your new leader, Kowalski!" Private shouted and pulled the rope, sending a whole shelf of Marlene otter dolls hurling down to an unsuspecting Kowalski.

"NOOOOOOO!" Kowalski's shriek was cut off by the army of toys that buried the penguin like a dog would bury a bone. Private, smiling to himself, hopped over the toys and continue to run for it. Then, he stopped and looked back, sudenly not having the energy to keep on. He looked over at the pile of toys where poor Kowalski was trapped and helpless.

_All you have to do is run for the finish line and the position of leader will be yours_, Private thought. It made sense, but it just didn't feel right. _Go on! Run! Don't save Kowalski now. He's done for. _Picturing poor Kowalski was just too much. Private doubled back toward the iple of stuffed toys and began rummaging through them to find his teammate who he was about to abandon. He touched something rather soft and realized he found a flipper. "Kowalski. I'm here."

"Go on...without me!"

That was probably a good idea, but he shoved it aside and pulled Kowalski with all his might until he was free from his Marlene doll prison. Kowalski thought about running for it, but Private just risked his own victory to save him. How could he do that to innocent Private?

"Okay. We still need to finish the race so how about to make it fair we both start running at the same time. Then we each get the same start and advantages from this point on. May the best penguin win," Kowalski said and Private agreed.

They made a run for it only to find out that Rico already dived into their base, winning the race. They slowed down, horrified and disappointed that neither of them won.

"Oh no. We're too late," Private mumbled.

They trailed themselves abck to the base to a very cheerful Rico who had coughed up some sparklers and was running around the base with them. "Kaboom! Kaboom!"

"Right. You did win," Kowalski admitted resentfully. "But perhaps that isn't enough."

Rico stopped his victory parade and looked at Kowalski until the sparklers dimmed out. So did Private.

"Is a leader really to be determined by how fast they run? It should be on how well one can take leadership in a bad situation and in a mission, and how assertive they can be when they have to be," Kowalski explained. "So, perhaps there should be more to the test? There are many skills. One contest isn't enough." Kowalski knew he wouldn't be saying this if he won the race, but there had to be some way to save him from being under Rico's leadership. The words came out of his mouth easily, and to his own satisfaction Private agreed, probably thinking the same thing since they both didn't want to admit defeat.

"Kowalski is right that this isn't right. We will do one more contest," Private said. "I know we made the deal before the race, but it isn't right. We need another chance."

Rico completely disagreed, but said nothing against it.

Kowalski wrote down Rico's victory under the racing contest category and thought about it for a moment. "I know. We are going to compete for mathematics. Clearly the smartest is most capable for the position, correct?"

"But you have to win that one," Private whined. "It has to be something in which none of us have any special talent."

"Actually I do have a theory," Kowalski suggested. "I have studied the human race for many years and I have figured out that when they elect a leader they have a dance competition."

"Huh?" Private and Rico questioned in unison.

"Yes," Kowalski continued. "That is what they do. They all go on the television and they have three judges to judge how they did, and whoever the judges like best becomes the ruler of the human race. I am confident in my theory. I am pretty sure the human race has been performing this act for centuries even back to the 19th century."

"Then it must work," Private confirmed. "I guess we will have to if that is how we elect a leader."

The three did high fives, each slapping each others' flippers slightly harder than usual. If they had to tap dance their way to victory, that was exactly what they would do.


	3. Chapter 3: Just Dance

Skipper's Replacement

Chapter 3: "Just Dance"

"And now it is time for the first ever penguin dance-off. This is trule history in the making. I am Marlene, your host today and with our contestants, Kowalski, Rico, and Private who are having a stand-off to see who gets to be Skipper's replacement!" Marlene announced and leaped over to the left to the long judging table. "And now to introduce our three judges. Mort, Maurice, and King Julien!"

From behind the rock the penguins couldn't see what was going on, but they could hear every word of it. They waited eagerly for Marlene to call them out. Kowalski knew he would win this competition. His opponents knew nothing of the ancient human art of dancing. They wouldn't stand a chance!

Rico was thinking about his victory also until he saw a butterfly flutter past and tried to chase it.

Private on the other hand was thinking of how well he would look behind Skipper's desk. He also wondered what Kowalski and Rico were doing for their dances. All of them had had five minutes to rehearse their routines in secret so neither of them knew what their opponents would be doing on stage.

"I am going to be called up first because I am the best," Kowalski said. "I calculated it."

"I don't think the pythagoroen theorum is a dance," Private retorted. "Or explosions. You two don't stand a chance."

"Oh yeah? What are you doing? The roly-poly?"

"Grrrrrr," Rico growled.

Private looked down at his feet, which he could barely see. "Stop making fun of my weight. It is hurtful. At least I don' ttuck a calculator to bed each night."

"Our first contestant is Private!" Marlene called out and Private had an excuse to leave before Kowalski could say another stingingly nerdy comment. He stepped out to an adoring crowd, clapping their appendages eagerly.

"Thank you all. You are too kind. I will do a dance I made myself. Maurice, radio please." Private squared up in the center of the ring, preparing to blow the crowd away with his incredible dancing skill. Whatever Kowalski said about his weight, he would sill win even though apparently the odds were 52: 1 according to the matermind genius.

A funky 70's dance mix blasted out on the radio and Private began. Almost instantly the crowd fell silent.

From behind the rock, Kowalski and Rico watched eagerly, and their hopes brightened when they saw Private's funky disco.

"Bleh," Rico gagged and coughed up a bucket of popcorn, gulping it back down as he watched Private dance.

"You are right. That is bleh. Private is failing! Isn't it delightful?" Kowalski said cheerfully. "He clearly doesn't understand that the 70's version of that song is way out of date and those iregular body shakes and foot movements are not compatible with the musical rhythms presented in the song." He sneaked a handful of Rico's popcorn and enjoyed every moment of it.

The song ended and Private ended the dance, smiling to the crowd and raised a flipper to encourage the uproar that never came. He waited in the silence, feelig very awkward.

"All right. That was a wonderful performance by Private. Now we will see what our three judges have to say about this excrutionating routine." Marlene stepped off stage and all eyes turned on the first judge, Maurice.

"Well, to tell you the truth it lacked the basic structures of a good performance. You looked like you were trying to play Spider Stomp," Maurice explained, reading word for word off the comment paper.

"Mort?"

The tiny mouse lemur giggled and clapped his paws approvingly. "Yay! Yay! Heeheehee!"

"There you have it. Julien?"

The lemur king leaned over the rock to emphasize the moment. "You call that dancing? My royal booty can shake much more than that, and your silly penguins feet are so fat and clumsy. And another thing, the dance was burn-your-eyes-out awful. My eyes are still stinking of you," Julien said.

Private walked off stage, moping back to where Rico and Kowalski were waiting.

Kowalski cocked his head, faking the symphony he couldn't feel and Rico quickly hid the popcorn behind his back before Private could see it. "So sorry the judges didn't like your dance. Don't feel bad. When I am leader I will only make you do 40 push ups each morning."

"Only?"

"Our next contestant is Kowalski!"

"Allow me to show you two how many years studying human culture pays off," Kowalski told them before approaching the center stage. Almost instantly "Boom Boom Pow" by the Black-Eyed Peas started jamming on the radio and Kowalski began to do what he was never born to do: rap. Kowalski started doing the worm and rapping about math and the Yiddish language, and even did some funky sliding.

"Oh no. Kowalski got good!" Private wailed and sheilded his eyes from Kowalski's awesomeness.

The dance ended, and once again the judges presented their opinions.

"That was snappin'!" Maurice informed Kowalski enthusiastically.

Mort nodded earnestly with agreement.

"By the power of my kingliness I decree that it was totally awesome in all levels of awesomeness. Peace out!" King Julien announced and threw Mort off the table.

_Oh no. They liked it.I still have a chance though. Rico can't even talk. Maybe he can't dance either_, Private thought, trying to believe that it wasn't all over.

"That was one thrilling dance, Kowalski. Now our last contestant competing here today is Rico." Marlene clapped her paws together and the crowd did the same. The name of his dance will remain shrouded in silent mystery so we will just let the dancing do the talking."

Rico pulled out his doll and began a slow dance, spinning around and around with the lifeless doll and the crowd fell silent, lost in the moment.

"Oh no. How are we supposed to compete with that?" Private moaned, watching the crowd watch, captivated. "We're finished."

"You are at least," Kowalski added.

"Okay, my dance stunk. Insulting me isn't making Rico any less great." Private gasped when Rico pulled off a sneak attack and seemed to have pulled a rose out of mid-air. "We're doomed."

"And now for our final results. Judges, whose dance is the best?" Marlene asked.

This time Kowalski, Rico, and Private waited on stage, awaiting for the lemurs to announce the results to their dance competition. Whoever won was obviously the right choice to be leader of the team.

"The winner is...Kowalski!"

"NOOOOOOO!" Rico and Private wailed together to the sky spirits.

"All right, team. I guess we all know who the leader is."

The three penguins were back at the base now, and Kowalski stood up on the top bunk, feeling very superior indeed.

They were about to go under the grueling 40 push-up rule under Kowalski's reign when Private thought of an idea that just might save his skin.

"Maybe dancing isn't the way to determine a true leader," Private said.

"Too late for that now, Private. My research is never wrong. Dancing is how you pick a leader," Kowalski answered, beaming.

"Well, do you ever see Skipper dancing on duty? No, so that probably means that isn't how Skipper became Captain. Dancing isn't required on duty, that's why," Private continued.

Kowalski scribbled something dow on his notebook before looking up at Private again. "Perhaps you do have a point, but if not dancing, then what? Don't make me set you up with sit-ups, soldier."

They thought about this and even Kowalski had to admit that a dance-off could have been the wrong way to do this. After all, the human race did some pretty weird things like work for a living and putting their elderly in retirement homes. So the three began to think of a new plan. Clearly being Skipper's replacement meant more than just running fast and having dancing skill. They would just have to figure out what that was.


	4. Chapter 4: Winner Takes All

Skipper's Replacement

Chapter 4: Winner Takes All

Kowalski punched the wall with frustration. "Look. I am sick of arguing. Every moment we sit here gawking like nitwits, the less time we have until Skipper gets back. Now there is only one way to settle this."

"Yes, we are men of honor," Private agreed like they weren't just pounding on each other earlier that morning.

"Quick! Math test!" Kowalski exclaimed and pulled out a chalkboard. He scribbled down an algebra equation quickly, making sure to add plenty of advanced trigonometry in it, making it look like foreign language to Rico and Private.

"Kaboom?"

Kowalski stepped back and waited. "Go on."

Private and Rico stepped over to the board, desperate to figure it out first even though they knew it was impossible. They each grabbed a piece of chalk. Rico stood there, clueless and waited for Private to make the first move.

"Easy. You just...multiply the k and the 7?" Private began to rewrite the equation applying this method when Rico used his chalk to scribble all over Private's work, destroying it. He then began writing down the same problem.

"Cheater!" Private began scribbling all over Rico's and soon it was a war of scribbles as they obliviated Kowalski's impossible nerdy math problem.

Kowalski beamed under their failure. "You can't do it. I knew it. It was an illogical impossibility. I win." He strolled over to Skipper's office quickly this time so he wouldn't get tackled.

"That wasn't fair," Private protested. "Quick! Whoever...touches the lightpole first wins!" He scrambled up the hatch as quick as he could.

Rico and Kowalski ran after. Rico coughed up a cinderblock and Kowalski fell back down the ladder, but by the time he reached the ice block Private was almost there. "Fish!" he coughed and darted back to the base.

They threw themselves back down the hatch, bowling over Kowalski who was halfway up the ladder as they rushed to the fridge. Kowalski stumbled back to his feet and joined the stampede. They each grabbed flipper-fulls of fish and engaged in fish war, throwing the slimy fish at each other's faces.

"Um...make fish sandwiches!" Private ordered and started grabbing all the fish that were scattered across the ground.

The others rushed to do the same and prepared sandwiches side by side. Rico saw that Kowalski and Private were already almost done and quickly gulped his down in one bite.

"And eat them!" Kowalski added and he and Private followed Rico's lead and choked down their sandwiches so quickly that they could hardly even keep it down.

_AH! Rico has this in the bag! Unless_... "Foot massage!" Kowalski shouted and the three of them filed out of the base, prepared to give the best massages ever, ones good enough to win them the position of leader. They all split up, Kowalski and Private to the lemur habitat and Rico ran for Marlene's.

Marlene was sunning herself on a rock, soaking up the sunshine when she was tackled by Rico. "Help! Penguin maniac on the loose!" she screamed.

Rico always was unpredictable, but he did not go savage. He happily shoved Marlene into a lawn chair and began rubbing her feet.

"Wait a minute. Get out of here-" Marlene was cut off when she felt Rico's rough, explosive-handled flippers caress her paws and she relaxed back in her chair. "Actually that feels really nice...What is that lotion you are applying to my feet? That tickles! What are you doing?" She sneaked a peek and screamed with horror. "My feet! You LICKED my feet! They are ruined!"

Rico thought hard on what to do now. He did the only thing he could think of doing and coughed up a smoke bomb and it exploded,creating a smoky black cover in which he used to escape. H ran over to the lemur habitat where Private had Maurice pinned to the ground and Kowalski was practically beating up King Julien to a pulp in an effort to perform a back massage.

Kowalski jerked his head up and gasped. "Rico already finished. Quick! The first one to...make our beds gets to be leader! he improvised.

With that the stampede abandoned their victoms and threw themselves on their bunks that they neglected to make since Skipper left, fluffing up the pillows nice and tidy and spreading the sheets free of wrinkles.

"I finished!" Private declared. "I'm leader!

"Nuh uh," Rico argued.

"That doesn't count," Kowalski protested. "Clean the base!" He grabbed the mop and the bucket and made a soapy water tsunami, desperate to show to the others that he was obviously the best one for the job.

Little did the penguins know that the end of their war would come in through the front door just then.


	5. Chapter : Base, Sweet Base

Skipper's Replacement

Chapter 5:

Meanwhile, Skipper dragged his luggage over to the baggage chute like he was instructed to do. He piled it on the conveyor belt with a bunch of other suitcases and surplus and waited boredly for it to reach the end.

_Any more delays and I am going to miss my flight_, he thought impatiently. He had already waited in a mile-long line to have his plane ticket checked, and waited again just to get his bag on the chute.

Security agents behind the counters looked at the contents of each bag as it passed through an X-ray screen, and passed them back to their owners. Skipper's bag finally was placed underneath the X-ray. Instead of showing blank nothingness that proved there was nothing dangerous inside, a bunch of objects popped up on the screen, so many that a single item could hardly be destinguished from another.

Suddenly an alarm sounded off and many security agents secured the suitcase and scanning it with metal detectors. "Sir, you're not allowed to bring explosives to an airport. We will be forced to confiscate these."

Skipper backed up a few steps, momentaily confused. What were they talking about? He just brought standard military equipment, nothing you wouldn't normally find in Rico. The security agents carted it awy and disappeared behind a door. "What? Those are my military supplies! You can't just-"

"Sir, we are going to have to ask you to leave."

Skipper could have taken out the whole lot of them right there and then, but then the whole airport would be warned of the weapon-stasher and warn his flight long before he could even get his ticket checked. So he did leave.

"What bad luck," Skipper muttered. "They confiscated my luggage, but at least I still have my ticket. I could always get some more at the Bahamas I suppose." He marched over to wait in yet another line to get on his flight and impatiently waited for the line to shrink. Finally he reached the counter.

"Ticket, please," the guard ordered.

"Ticket. Of course." Skipper did have his ticket and placed it onto the counter, feeling relieved that this whole nightmare would end soon. He had got this far, but he guessed somehow these jerks would find a way to make more trouble. He was right.

"Sir, this is a counterfeit ticket. You are under arrest for producing a fake copy of a government-issued plane ticket."

Two security guards grabbed his flippers and hauled him away to the back room where unspeakable evil laid beyond. Skipper struggled and tried to wrench them free, but the guards were too strong. No, he couldn't let them take him to the room of unspeakable darkness!

"Think again." Skipper kicked the first one and his grip loosened on one of his flippers. He did a backflip and the force twisted his other free as well. The first one made a reach to grab him but Skipper dodged to the side and he fell to the ground like a tree. Feeling satisfied, Skipper quickly knocked the other one out and rushed to the door, throwing a smoke bomb behind him, exploding smoke everywhere, forming a good cover to escape.

The vacation couldn't really get any worse than this. Skipper decided that on his long trek back to the zoo. His stuff was taken, he almost got arrested for a counterfeit ticket, and he couldn't even go on his luxury vacation. This really was a tricked-out conspiracy.

He returned to the zoo, too tired to even perform a perimeter check before sliding uder the fence and into the pool to his base. He trekked down the stairs and opened the door, prepared to slide into bed and forget this humilating chapter of his life. He unlatched the door and leaped back when a pillow almost hit him in the face. He dodged it and searched for the hurler.

What the?

"The first one to do...50 pushups wins!" Kowalski ordered and all the penguins fell down flat and began doing push-ups as if their lives depended on it. What confused Skipper was that he didn't even order them to do it.

"No dice. First one to juggle 5 balls while balancing on a bowling ball wins!" Private shouted and they began scrambling around like ants once again.

"WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?" Skipper roared and the three penguins immediately stopped their scramble to stare at him. Finally.

"Get Skipper!" Rico choked and before he could run he was sabataged. Skipper wriggled out from beneath Rico and shoved him against Kowalski, tossing them backward. He then rolled to the side and Private flew past, crashing into Kowalski and Rico. They all laid there in a heap.

"What has got into you men? Attacking your leader like this?" Skipper growled and the three penguins looked up at him with wide eyes like they could't believe what they just did. He glared at each one of them, waiting for a brave soul to respond."We...were just," Private stuttered, "having a contest."

"The contest on which one of you knuckleheads could beat up your leader?" Skipper replied, making Private dive behind Kowalski.

"We were competing to see which one of us would become your replacement," Kowalski confessed. "By statistical matters, we were attempting to make a decision. We weren't thinking."

"All this?"

Private re-emerged hesitantly from behind Kowalski. "Which one of us were you going to pick?" he asked cautiously. "To be leader?"

Skipper yawned and crawled into his bed, too tired to think. "You know what? I know. The first one who can get me a smoothie, become a manuel fan, and give me a foot massage will get to be leader the next time I leave."

Private got a lef and began fanning Skipper desperately while Kowalski ran off to make a smoothie, and Rico stayed by his feet and started licking.

Skipper sighed with pleasure, and fell to sleep. It was good to be home.


End file.
